[-]

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round,
I stand there for a minute starin’ straight into the ground,
Lookin’ to the left slightly, then lookin’ back down,
World feels like it’s caved in – proper sorry frown,
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us,
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust,
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me,
But her eyes glaze over like she’s lookin’ straight through me,
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity,
When they open up she’s lookin’ down at her feet,
So then I move my hand up from down by my side,
It's shakin’, my love is crashin’ before my eyes,
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies,
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh,
‘Cause I can’t imagine my life without you and me,
There’s things I can’t imagine doin’, things I can’t imagine seein’,
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely,
Please, please, I beggin you please,
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested,
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she’s blessed with,
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures,
By pushin’ my hand away to my chest, from hers,
And I’m just standin’ there, I can’t say a word,
‘Cause everythin’s just gone,
I’ve got nothin’,
Absolutely nothin’,
Tryin’ to pull her close out of bare desperation,
Put my arms around her tryin’ to change what she’s sayin’,
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in,
Look into her eyes to make her listen again,
I’m not gonna fuckin’, just fuckin’ leave it all now,
‘Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow,
And you’re gonna let our things simply crash and fall down,
You’re well out of order now, this is well out of town,
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist,
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight,
Turns around so she’s now got her back to my face,
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away,
I know in the past I’ve found it hard to say,
Tellin’ you things, but not tellin’ straight,
But the more I pull on your hand and say,
The more you pull away...

tired

i'm tired of being lonely facing my probs. cant hold myself together much longer. alone and lonely. i hate being lonely. ignoring a part of myself. it's still there, not gone, just ignored. like a pizza, with a slice pizza incomplete, it is a whole pizza no more. i am myself no more, just part of me, so should you call me by the name c(1/2)h or am?

needs new means to divert my attentions. the thing is building up inside of me. is this real? i can't make this unreal. home is where my numb heart died. all of the days have passed me by, all of the sun is gone... away. -dead (i wish)-

different shoes~

you will never understand sumone until you are in his position. an inferior being will hope that their superior will understand them. superiors here are defined as sumone who has more advantage than the inferiors; and the example of these advantages varies from having lots of money, to having too many lots of very very affectionate opposite sex friends. superiors tend to forget what it likes being an inferior, or maybe they never had the chance to be an inferior. thus, the inferior dun have any power to change the superior's mind about anything, eventhough he tried times and times again. i guess my therapy no longer works.

my flaws are the only thing left that's pure. can't really live, can't really endure. everything i see reminds me of her. god i wish i didn't care anymore. the more i touch the less i feel. i'm lying to myself that it's not real. why is everybody making such a big fucking deal? i'm never gonna care anymore. what the hell am i doing? is there anyone left in my life? what the fuck was i thinking? anybody want to tell me i'm fine? where the hell am i going? do i even need reasons to hide? i am only betrayed. i am only conditioned to die.

i fear...

i fear i have an undiagnosed mental illness... help me sumone~ plz...




JE SUIS UN PIERROT (I am a clown)

White (Green) face, painted red mouth,
Painted smile, painted laugh,
Forever smiling, never frowning,
C'est Pierrot,
Je suis en Pierrot,
I am clown, I am one now.

Under the paint, my predicament is perfect,
C'est Pierrot who spins the web
Of beautiful lies
The white (green) paint so perfect, so porcelain
Who knows what creature it hides?

Je Suis un Pierrot,
I smile, I laugh, I jump, I entertain,
Everything is for everyone,
Except for Pierrot,
Except for the clown,

C'est Pierrot's painted smile,
Hides the sorrow of the creature,
Who knows the real Pierrot,
Is the one beneath the paint?

Je suis un Pierrot,
Above and underneath,
Now and forevermore,
I will be c'est Pierrot,
In pretense and in reality.

adapted from anynomous

R.I.P.

woke up at 9.30am, went to take my bath, weared my shirt and my 'kain pelikat'. i guessed, it's my turn to play the ps2. suddenly, akim told me that haikal deleted the ps2 memory. "Haikal? WTF he is doing here? and how the hell he get to play the ps2? we've got the ps2 hidden in mom's room!" when i entered mom's room, i saw afiq and harith, i scolded them, eventhough i wasn't very angry at the time, because i've trained myself to be more to being disappointed rather than being angry at times like these, but i still have to let out my disappointment right? hey, maybe some if not all of you said i was being childish and reacting too big for such a small matter. yes, i admit it's not the end of the world, but please remember the countless hours i've spent to play the games, including the midnight oil burned. it's like another part of me which grows together wif me inside the ps2, which was just deleted simply like that. another part of me is lost, which stays wif me when everybody is asleep, when i have no money, when i'm angry, when i'm disappointed, when i'm unable to go out, when i'm not wif my friends, whenever. some of you might say sumthing about starting back from scratch, yes, i can restart, but it wont turn out exactly the same, and in the end, that will left me comparing, and saying sumthing like,"this is not like before...this is different" life goes on rite~ but the memory will always be there.

R.I.P. to Amanitium Cho, my persona in WWE raw vs smackdown 2006, who won the royal rumble and took the world heavyweight title from Batista in a six-man battle royale in wrestlemania, with attributes points of 70, you will always be remembered.

R.I.P. too to the custom title belt i made yesterday in WWE raw vs smackdown 2006, which costs 3,350 wwe points.

after losing all these things, i will be playing the game no more, even if i play it, it's just to help my brothers to win the match.

now, i will be back to play Harvest Moon: What A Wonderful Life, i've spent almost 30 hours playing this game, and Haikal is lucky to not to erase the memory of this game too.

btw, haikal, harith, and afiq are my lil' cousins. today, i have 7 cousins staying here, and they are annoying, noisy, and killing me. i dun have any cousin as my peers, i'm the first male grandchild, and the next male grandchild is my own brother.

well, what the hell~ i dunno, maybe i'm just depressed wif my result, wif my family, wif myself, wif everything.

imma outta here~!

phew!

bloody blogger.com! i almost lost the [mushy talks~] post just now. i'm lucky to save it before submitting! lucky nite i guess. so, who knows any casino nearby? lol.

mushy talks~

it was 2:30am, suddenly, sumthing came across my mind. it's about a quote i heard a few years back and it doesn't make any sense for me until just now. "relationship is not about finding the similarities between two people, it's about respecting the differences between them." i haven't learn how to respect others, and because of that, i've hurt feelings of my beloved again and again. i'm trying to learn, i hope i still have the chance of respecting my relationship and my beloved before it's too late. I LOVE DINA. hahah~ me too, can be a mushy writer at times, occasionally of course. that's all for now~

regards,
[sumonewhoissoinlovewifdina. ]

---

Vrei sa pleci dar nu-mã, nu-mã iei
Nu-mã, nu-ma iei, nu-mã, nu-mã, nu-mã iei
Chipul tãu si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tãi...

When you leave, my colors fade to grey, wanna take me
You don't wanna take me, you don't wanna take me
Your image and the first love
remind me of your eyes ...

{Dragostea Din Tei; O-zone}

OMFG, here cometh the result!

finally, the result for my first term of bachelor in electrical power engineering came out and unfortunately, i got what i expected to get from my final exam. I got B- for my C++ programming, and A- for my lab, the two which i loathe the most. As for the other subjects, they varies from C+ to E. Looks like i am so very dead. it's 4:21am, time to sleep. i'll continue tomorrow maybe, if i'm not a dead shit by then. what do u suppose i will say to my parent? "mom, i'm in probation, academically." i'm not telling my superior, i mean my parent.

regards,
mewhofailsagainandagainbutneverlearns.

mumbles

bored to death now (yeah, as alwaesz),
sleepy, i dun wanna sleep,
lonely, hunny is already asleep.

i wonder,
will we human ever get satisfied?
why do we alwaesz want sumthing better than everybody,
why do we alwaesz compete to be the best,
wut is the point?
wuz it bcoz of incompetent = fool?
and we dun want to be one?
or wuz it bcoz of the respect we get from it?
i dunno...
i never had the experience of being the best,

wut is the point?
is being the best equals everything?
is being the rest such a catastrophe?

this is my personal view,
i am a slave of an irrational system. i can not change any of it. should i go with the flow? should i oppose the flaws? should i stay put?

are there any absolute right, or wrong? wut about true or false? moreover, the ying yang of contradicting ideas is subjective and relative, not absolute.

null

i am broke,
i am not well,
i am bored to death,
i dun want to study,
nor i want to stay at home,
my dull life is full of emptiness,
i've nuthin to fill the space inbetween,
my feet is my only carriage,
and so I've got to push on through.
and while I'm gone,
everything's gonna be all right!
everything's gonna be all right, yeah!

when you are honest enough to write everything about the real you, that is when you write something universal and not about you alone.

spare me, i'm a lunatic...